Got an inbox message today, but when I try to reply it says that I can't because of the user's privacy settings. Figured I'd post it here and hope they read, 'cause I can't reply directly to them.

""--- thegamergeek wrote:
> so if u are silver i just have one ? then i will try to leave u alone please answer it...well why did u stop drawing that all i want to know...""

*blink blink*
Well, yes, I am Silver, formerly of moderate DeviantArt success, I assume that's what you're refering to.
As for stopping drawing...well, in all honesty, I never truly stopped, I finished a few pieces on my comp just the other night. I really just stopped uploading. I also did stop drawing Axel/Roxas stuff, I ran out of ideas on that score. As for why I stopped uploading...well, a lot of things. In my humble little real life I have something called Social Anxiety Disorder. I felt like the pressure to do more and be funny was overwhelming, so I was having trouble coming up with new things. After a few hate messages I just got discouraged enough that I wanted to stop. So I disappeared. I tried to work myself up to coming back, I had some new art prepared, but after my father died, I guess I just stopped feeling like I wanted to do anything for a while. It took months before I touched my sketch pad after that. By that time, well, I wasn't doing much that would probably interest many people, so I never bothered posting more.
I hope that answered your question. Thanks for taking the time to track me down, may I ask why you went to the trouble? No one's ever bothered before.
~Silverookami

So, this week has been a source of very weird vivid dreams. I mentioned one on my Facebook the other day, but I'd like to jot them all down. These things are usually very surreal to read again after some time has passed.

First:
Okay, this is more than a week ago, about a month, I dreamed of a book in which a little boy got sucked into a world by an evil sorceress and was adopted by a band of theives. His companion guiding him through the land was a cat named Chesterfield who wore a blue tricorner hat, and a green pea coat. I distinctly recall that when the boy asked Chester whre they were he replied "Halfway between Oodle Poodle and Poggy Oddle."

Second:
I was having dinner at the table with Mom when our cats got in front of my plate and I could hear their thoughts. In childish singsong voices they kept repeating "We are two adorable kitties." while staring at me.

Third:
(Note: This dream went on FOREVER. I literally woke from it at least three times, went back to sleep and the dream picked back up.)
Taylor and I went to a one day con in Toronto. It sucked and we got separated, and I remember staring down at him from the balcony, he was watching some sort of floor show and David had found him. Eventually we decided to just leave the con (David vanished from the narrative at this point.), and thought we'd go visit Cass.
I woke up at this point.
When I went back to sleep Taylor and I had returned to the hotel room (the narrative did not reveal if we'd visited Cass or given up.) and I went into the bathroom and the tub was frakin' epic. It was like a spa in a there, so I announced I was going to take a bath. Taylor rented a movie.
I woke up before managing to take my bath. :(
When next we returned the hotel room had somehow grown a kitchen. EPIC kitchen. Literally the next part of the dream was Taylor and I eating pretty much everything in sight. This kitchen was better stocked than a restaurant and a grocery store combined.
Woke again.
Within the dream I woke up in the hotel room and decided to have breakfast which involved two types of french fries and deep fried banana cream pie. (there was also deep fried key lime pie available. Actually there were at least four different types of pie, but I can't remember them now.) At this point Taylor woke up too, and joined me in Epic Kitchen. Apparently from his magically adjoining hotel room Taylor's brother entered our room, (yeah, no clue what he was doing there in Toronto with us.) picked up one of the food wrappers off the floor and told us it had a price sticker on it. Ho shit. Apparently dream Courtney and Taylor had overlooked the fact that food and drinks inside a hotel room tend to cost money. I permanently left the dream before getting the bill, but a conservative estimate of what Taylor and I had spent on food would be in the neighbourhood of $400.

Fourth:
This is the dream I wrote about on Facebook. Professor LAyton and Young Luke were on an ocean liner in the middle of the night when the cracks in time from Doctor Who appeared in the sky. After some tidal waves and various sloshing about the ship was pulled through a time distortion and completely wrecked. Luke managed to get in a life boat and sailed toward the time crack. It started to shudder, at which point he stuck his arms out and through the magic of perspective placed his hands around the time crack and tore it apart, tearing out most of the sky simultaniously.

Fifth:
Last night before work I dreamed once again that Taylor and I were at a con, only this one was EPIC (see a theme here?) David Tennant was there and actually invited Taylor and I up to his hotel room. He thenrandomly revealled he was a closeted gay man tortured by his dual identity and desperately seeking the approval of his father. It sounds so ridiculous writing it down, but it was actually quite a touching scene for dream Courtney. (I feel bad for Mr. Tennant though, I didn't mean to dream that about him, no clue where it came from. My apologies.)

So those are my dreams of late. If I keep having more dreams like this I'll keep recording them.

I could fill a novel with the things I would never eat.
I think though that number one on that list of 'DO NOT EAT' would be balut. Almost fully developed duck embryo just doesn't tempt my tastebuds.

So, in terms of lols, it's not so much, it's more irony funny that with me feeling a bit better Taylor of course is sick now. My hours are being reduced greatly at work at the moment, so I can't afford to get sick myself, so here I am wishing you get better soon from a safe and healthy distance. (another stupid irony being that although my hours are reduced, I still work the same or MORE number of nights per week, just in super-shorter shifts mostly.)
My schedule:
Thurs 6: 11:30pm-8am
Fri 7: 11:30pm-8am
Sat 8: 11:30pm-8am
Sun 9: 10pm-6:30am
Mon 10: 5pm-9pm
Wed 12: 4pm-9pm
Fri 14: 5pm-9pm
Sat 15: 11:30pm-8am
Sun 16: ...uh, I forget, but it is a night shift.

The only reason I do have hours the first week is that the fulltimer asked for Thurs-Sun off so she could go see her family, so those hours defaulted to me. I have the week of the 17th written down somewhere, but not sure where I put it. It's similar to the week of the 9th, mostly afternoons.
So finally, feel better Taylor and hopefully see ya once you're on your feet again.

So here I am, just after 11am, and man do I feel sick as a dog. Just knowing I have to go to work at 5pm today when we're open, and there are going to be people in the store, and here I am freakin' out. Every synapse in body body is screaming at me to call in sick. If I don't take these shifts though my Mom and I will wind up in the poor house.I mean, my entire next week is nothing but afternoons!
I'm really getting fed up with life in general.

So, a little late, since I slept through New Years. but here is my major resolution for the coming year:

I'm sick of always feeling sick and miserable and saying 'yeah, yeah, I'll go to the doctor if it gets worse.' I need to get over my fear of going to see the doctor and get my shit dealt with. Getting stressed and nervous tends to make people with my disorder sick an inordinately huge amount, but this is getting ridiculous. I don't want to be that girl who bails all the time 'cause she's scared and staring to feel sick because of it. I just...I never wanted to have to go on anti-depressants again, but at this point...I'm letting my illness start to ruin my life.
I never see the people I care about anymore. I work, and I sleep, and I feel sick. It's about all my body ever seems to want to do. I hate this. I love my friends so much, even the ones I don't really get to see much anymore, and I want to see them. I want to stop bailing on Taylor 'cause I owe so much to him.
I'm letting my illness and my fear get in the way of actually living a life, and that needs to stop. Missing New Years is actually weirdly enough the kick in the ass I needed to realize that I'm just letting life pass me by while I sit at home curled in bed letting every negative thought swirling in my head drag me down deeper into despair.
Sure, I can somewhat defend myself by saying it's been a rough year and a half, with my Dad passing and now all this tom-fuckery at work, but you know...that's not an excuse. My Dad doesn't want me to sit in bed all the time and do nothing, he'd want me to get help too.
So that's it, there's my resolution. It's going to take courage, resilience, and maybe even going back on meds, but I will do what I can to get my health and stress under control this year so that I can be a productive member of a group again, so I can enjoy life, and enjoy my friends.
Courtney out.

Okay...
If I were to make a post to facebook it is within the realm of possibilty that somebody will post a reply to said post. I welcome this, though it is not required. I noticed this morning that two replies to someone's post (one being my own) no longer appeared. I am curious about this, but not to the point of being rude and asking about it. It has me worried however that I somehow did something taboo by replying to this post.
It was of the ambiguous type that is usually not commented upon, but upon seeing that someone else had commented I threw my two cents into the mix. I don't think anything was said that was wrong or could be interpreted as hurtful, so I am confused.
I'm worried that I've done something wrong without knowing it, but timid enough I don't wish to offened the person by asking. I'm stuck in my own little guilt limbo.
I have now resolved to no longer reply to anything that is ambiguous or has a chance of being rhetorical.
Why is it that pretty much everything I do ends with me suffering from a existential crisis???

Okay, so now that I've been toying a bit with facebook I've encountered my first dilemma. A person I knew back in school that I was semi-friends with has clicked to friend me. I kinda avoid people I went to school with. My life derailed for a bit in the middle there, and although I'm happy, I work at a grocery store. My life isn't exactly glamourous. I don't know how I feel about people I knew back then being on my facebook now. If I don't add her though I'll feel guilty about it, 'cause she was a nice person. I went to one of her birthdays in which we slept outside in tents and worried that Karla Homolka was gonna come get us (long story...that I don't entirely remember.)
Gotta figure out whether or not to return the friending. Sigh...

Dear Bleach,
...so I decided to give you four chapters to accept the fact that you've gone and done the whole time-skip thing on me...and yeah, kinda...not working for me. There feels like no threat, no big bad, no...immediacy. I read the chapters just kinda goin' ho-hum through them. Were there a buncha unanswered questions after the last arc? Well, hell yeah, gotta admit that...but I don't feel like I needed these answers so badly that the story needed continuing. It kinda peaked, I felt. Now you're still going onto something else, in essence telling me that the set up you've had going for close to 400 chapters was only pentultimate and the ultimate climax is yet to come?? Unless you have some massive plot twist that's been unknowingly woven into those 400 chapters without us realizing, whatever comes next will be a let down by comparison. The only other way to make a satisfying climax is to give this new dilemma an equal build up, and I don't think I have the stamina to sit through another 400 chapters of this.
So...I'm sorry Bleach. Kinda giving you an F for now. It's gonna take some sort of deft masterful writing move now to engage me with this random new plot that is not central to the foundation upon which you were built.

P.S. Naruto--Seriously, ew Kabuto. I used to like you. Will give you kudos for the whole dead army thing you've got going on right now. High creepiness factor.

Okay, this post has nothing to do with pity, or wanting sympathy or anything like that, so it's not required, however, I just have to say I'm having one of those days where I feel like a waste of flesh. I think everyone has them. I'm sick, work's been full of suck, and I'm still coping with my anti-Christmas issues.
It's all just amounted to one of those unfortunate days when the only reasonable option seems to be crawling into bed and pulling the covers over your head. I'm gonna go do that. Well, kind of...Sherlock's on in a few minutes, so I'm gonna go curl up with my TV before sleeping for work. Hopefully when I wake up this black mood will have blown over.
We all have these kinds of days now and then, right?